Snow

by Snow
(Alabama)

Hi! I have a question about self-esteem. I'm in High School in the 10th grade and I'm kinda tom-boyish. I play basketball and if you ask me I'm really good at it.

I make good grades (A's and B's) and I have lots of friends both girls and boys (black and white) but mainly white..not trying to be racist or anything, but most of my friends are white, just saying lol. I don't really hang out that much because I'm a very homie kinda person, in other words I like to stay at home more than go out to other places. I'm very shy, but not really in front of my friends.

My question is all these other girls can get guys to fall for the left and right and they don't really do anything but dress inappropriate. I guess that’s most guys type now I don't know, but why can't I get other guys that I like or thinks is cute fall for me. Is it the way I dress? I don't dress inappropriate but mainly jeans and a cute t-shirts and shiny jewellery.

I get complaints all the time for how cute I look at school from my friends both guys and girls, but why can't I get anyone else to notice me instead of my friends? Is it because of low self-esteem? I just don't understand... :/

Reply:

I personally don’t think it is dressing or self esteem problem. Most likely the others don’t see you ‘approachable’.

What I mean goes like this: Let’s assume you are reasonable pretty (you already get lots of compliments you are cute).
When strange people ‘go’ for something, they worry about failure. Example: most people are looking for lower or average paid jobs because they can’t see themselves ‘worth’ of it - they think the high paid job is beyond their reach (it is there for someone else).

As a result there are fewer applications for high paid jobs (and, of course, a better chance to get it!)

The situation is very similar while approaching a stranger. Nobody likes to be rejected. Because you are shy you don’t really encourage others to approach you (your looks are not inviting). They worry you’ll send them to hell, so better; they just avoid your rejection.

In other words, they don’t try approaching you because they worry it would be useless anyway.
(You look to good, classy, a whatever…and there is a small chance you would want ‘HIM’).

Try to let a smile or two; to shoot towards someone you like. And see what it does. When approached be friendly and easy going (while respecting your values at the same time).
That will show the other person you ‘don’t mind him to approach you.

Also an eye contact is important. To flirt. To keep it just a little longer, turn around with a smile…
you’ll work it out…

You may exercise your smile in front of the mirror. So most likely you look too good to have.
Give it a go and see how you go.