I'm afraid of losing my self respect. What do I do?

by Anonymous

I'm 15 and I have always put very high standards on myself to have self respect and not turn out like the other 80% of girls my age.

I now have my first boyfriend (he's nearly 16) and I'm finding it harder than ever. It's not that I want to have sex with him, I just get caught in the moment when we're making out and I end up pushing it just a tiny bit further every time.

This does not mean we've done anything except make out but I still feel like I'm slowly losing respect for myself. For example, today I slid my hand down towards his 'area' and slightly rubbed. I feel kind of ashamed of myself now.

I'm so confused.. what should I do?


Tibor's Reply:

The easy way is telling you that you are too young. That's not the way to go. In puberty attraction and desire can be extremely forceful. Each individual reacts and feels differently.

Your standards are fantastic. I'll ask you a question, ok? Actually, few. :-)

What is the most important thing when a couple has sex together? Or, better:
What are the two, very important things to prevent from happening?
Do you know the answers?

According to your story, you are pushing things a bit more each time. This is happening from your own curiosity and desire.
I can't say what you should or shouldn't do if it comes to making up.
Why? Because if I were you, I would do what I feel I want. I would most likely not listen to anyone.

That is called being a teenager.

Your standards are high. Just don't make a mistake. A bit of experimentation and curiosity are no reasons for judging yourself. Imagine, one day you will have sex with your partner. Would you lose your self-respect completely because of that?

If you choose your boyfriends carefully, if you know exactly what you want, behaving the way you are currently, you will only gain respect of the others.

The important part is you will not make any mistake. Remember my questions? In life you need to have balance.
A bit of everything. Be good at things you are doing – school, to your family and friends. At the same time having good time, relaxation.

With kindness and love you will achieve anything you like.
Don't neglect to enjoy your teenage years. You respect yourself. You have no reason to feel bad about yourself.


On purpose I didn't answer you directly. I had asked you few questions and you to come to a conclusion by yourself.
You are the best to make your decisions. And I believe in your judgment.

If you are not happy with my reply, please return for more detailed answer. I wish you to have a beautiful journey in your life.