I should let him go?

by Betty
(Texas)

I'm starting to think love just isn't for me. I'm the same girl who wrote u "Scared of dating". So n the end of October, my friend's cousin asked me out.

The way he asked me was just too cute. It was homecoming and he gave me a mum. It was the Thursday night. Past 9:30.

We were texting but when they asked me if we could talk. I said sure but figure he would say something about before the game the next day. He replied okay; then he come talk to me.

He was outside my house waiting. I walked outside but all I could see was the head lights of his mom's car he drove here.
He walked to me with the mum in his hand. He gave it to me and looked at me as if he was waiting for answer.
I told him thank you but he laugh and pulled me to the light. I still wasnt getting it. He lifted up a ribbon off my mum and wrapped his hands around me.


As I begin to read the ribbon, he read it out loud. "Will you go out with me?" Of course I said yes. He gave me a kiss and told me good night. We started off, great. He was the best bf I've ever had. He respected, and understood me. Everything was going great.


Basketball had started. He LOVES basketball. He was a big thing at our school, last year. Well the guys had lost their coach and they got a new coach. This coach has been teaching at this school for a long time.

Well for some add reason, my boyfriend wouldn’t run his plays. And my boyfriend wasn't playing his best. I would always tell him that it was okay, he had a good game. But he would always say no and then push it away.



Before me, my boyfriend was talking to another girl. She was in his grade. It would make me jealous too see them talking sometimes. But I would always try to push it away.

He would notice but all I would tell him is that there was nothing wrong. But there was a day in which my mouth slipped. I was walking to the locker room to go meet him there to walk together to lunch.
I was a little mad at a guy from my class and was hoping that my bf would make me feel better like always. As I was walking down the hall I saw him walking with that girl. I got mad.

He stopped and turned to walk with me. We were walking to lunch and he said something and wrapped his arms arm around me but I just pushed him away and told him why he doesn't go walk with his another friend. It had slipped.

Then I didn't know how to cover it up. He was getting that I was mad. I look at my shoe and notice it was untied. He asked what was wrong. I said nothing and if he could tie my shoe. He said gave me a goofy look and said nope and asked again what's wrong.


I just said that u wouldn't tie my shoe for me and giggled. I try to act as if I hadn't said anything 'bout the other girl… time pasted and he still hasn't been playing his best.
I work on Wednesdays at a restaurant. He normally texts me but didn't this time. I didn't think much about it so I didn't think of texting him. He's probably busy. I thought.

We were at a basketball tournament. They again have lost their game. I was sitting with another of my girl friend talking to her when he comes and sits by me. I notice that he was mad so I thought I should let him cool off b4 I start to talk to him.
Well he thought I was ignoring him and got up and went to sit by his cousin. I came to him late that day and sat by him. Tried to talk.



My mom had texted me asking me about the games and I didn't hear him ask me if I want to go get something to drink. He normally does something to get my attention but he didn't this time. He left me there alone with one of his friend and my friend's little brother who is like 11.

He was talking to a girl n my class all that day but I didn't worry cause he talks to everybody and she had a bf. He didn't text me that day either. The next day, in his game he was put in only once and for like only 30 seconds. This shocked me. He has always played the whole game. After the game he talked to me and seemed like he wanted to.



But later he was bugging and would turn to talk to the girl n my class. I was suspecting something now. When we got home he was suppose to come to my house but then my parent's plans changed and he couldn't come. I later asked if what was going on with us. At first he was trying to tell me that he has too much in his mind and didn't think he can handle having a gf.

Pretty much telling me that I was the reason to why he hasn't been playing good. All I told him is that he couldn't give up something he loves and has fought for a lot. I was on face book and notice that this girl in my class was single now. Her boyfriend broke up with her that Wednesday. I thought. He wants to break up for her.

That Friday night he told me that he didn't want this anymore. I asked him if there was some other girl he likes and he replied no. That Saturday morning I asked him if he wanted to wait and c if things get better or just brake up. …He replied brake up.

Then he asked me if I was okay. I wanted to say no but instead I told him yes and that I understood him. That maybe if you really love me you would come back. If not then I wish u luck. I didn't text him at all after that. The next day he texted me; hey. I replied what's up. That Monday when ppl found out that I was single ppl start with some stupid rumours.

Then my boyfriend try to hook up with that made me jealous. They also told him that I did it with two guys.
Both big lies. Just a few days ago he texted me that he me misses me.

And that he was thinking that maybe we could give our love another try. He did admit that he kinda like the girl n my class but that he was hesitating because he still loves me.
That he loves me a lot more than this other girl. Everything was going good till last night. He didn't text me all day yesterday and again I didn't text him. But last night I get a msg from him asking me what was wrong with me.



That ppl had been saying that I have been says that he was cheating on me with the girl that I got jealous to. I swear I haven't said any of that stuff. When ppl asked me why we broke up I would say that he hasn't been doing well in basketball.

We thing I was a distraction to him. That he couldn't handle having a gf right now. But don't think he believes me. I told him that I was tired to these stupid rumours.

He told me that he was too and that he was done. I told him I swore that I didn't say that but he said that he didn't know who or what to believe. And that what people are saying that I'm saying sounds legit. I texted him hey this morning and he didn't reply...



What do I do? I am telling him the truth. I thought about just letting him find out on his own that I was telling the truth but what if he doesn't? I want to wait for him to text me but I'm scared that he won't and that he'll just believe then cause to him it sounds legit. Do I let him go and hope he'll come back again?

I really have strong feelings for him. I even thought about try to get a rumour started about me being the bad gf not him. So people will hate me and not him. What do I do? I don't want to lose him. :(

Tibor's reply:

Dear Betty,

It seems you both are in love with each other. In a relationship it is very important to trust each other.
Take rumours and other people aside, out of your world.

Perhaps, it would be not good to tell your b/f you wrote for an advice; perhaps yes. It is better to keep it to yourself for the time being. You'll be a judge of that.

You wrote a long letter. That helped you to unload your problems, at least a little.
If I were you, I would print out that letter (which you wrote) and make a date with your b/f.

Text him you want to meet him. If he doesn't respond positively, call him. Put any pride aside.

Once together, tell him how much you love him and give him your letter to read. Do not make it dramatic. Just tell him plain facts and let him deal with it.



You both are young and vulnerable to any rumours. Make sure you believe each other.
Love is not always rosy and hundred percent. You don't want others to manipulate your lives.

During years being together lots of 'crap' will happen. To change a g/f or a b/f each time this happens doesn't work too well. :-)
Explain him how much you love him and how important is that you two stick together. Not listening to people who make up stories from envy.

I feel you two are great together, just young and in this world it is difficult to separate the truth from lie. Do not let others destroy your relationship.

Other important thing is how you both act. If anyone tells you or to your b/f something to tear you apart, you both should respond very firm and strong. That way others will see your relationship is strong and they have no chance of breaking it.



Tell your b/f you want an honest talk with him. No macho stuff or pretence. To clear up your situation.
Emphasize you both will lose great if you make your discussion based on strategy or pretending.
Love is about sharing and being there for each other.

Both of you, try not to play head games, it just hurts. Be open and honest. Work together on any problem like mates.

I truly hope it will work out for you and I wish you to have a beautiful relationship.

Note:
Sometimes boys want (need) a new (fresh) g/f for various reasons. The main is to conquer a new woman. Usually after few sex performances it will become an "everyday matter" and he gets bored. End of contest (He had her).

He would either seek a new object to conquer; or; he will learn others are not as good enough for him. It is not easy to find a good partner. Young person needs to go sometimes through this journey to find out on his/her own.

Then he will try to get back.
This is one of the other possible options. Then it depends how you handle it, what decision you will make.