I Don't Know What To Do About Him Or Our Friendship?

by Snow
(Alabama)

Well let's just start off with that I'm a 9th grader going to the tenth. It kinda all started from like the 5th grade, I knew this guy and I liked him at first (btw he was like a new student) but he didn't show signs that he liked me back.

So I got over my crush kinda quick but as the school years went by we started to begin to become like really close friends. We talked all the time and in the 8th grade we use to sit by each other at lunch and in the classes we had together.

I started to form that crush again but he once again never showed any signs back. Now where in the 9th grade but this time we don't have any classes together and not even lunch. I kinda had a crush on him but not really. We were still friends at the time as well.

As the months go by we kinda started liking each other and I could notice he liked me. We texted a lot and he texted me sweet things (you know like any typical guy would tell you) and I started liking him even more. So finally we ended up going out and it was good for a while until we went to the movies together and I'm really shy and this was my first date (I'm only 15).

He was holding me and whispering in my ear and things like that. I had never had my first kiss and I told him that. I guess he thought I would have it with him at the movies but I just wasn’t ready for it. I was terrified the whole time at the movies, I just wanted to cry and run out of there.

I kinda felt pressured because he keeps doing things to get me to kiss him but I didn't want to. When I got home I told my mom everything and I cried for 4 hours straight. I decided not to tell him until I was ready to.

So a few days went by and he asked if I had cheated on him because every time we texted I told him I would brb, so I guess he thought I was "talking" to someone else...which I wasn't I'm not that type of person at all!

So I said yeah because I kinda wanted an excuse to get out of the relationship. We didn’t talk for a while. A few days after that he posted a fb status abt me saying “You Have to Watch the Quiet Ones" so I confronted him abt it and we started arguing for abt an hour. I was soooo hurt. Finally we got over it and he started sweet talking me again and I kinda didn't have feelings for him anymore, but I think he still did.

I never felt the same abt him since. Now I'm having like these on and off crushes for him..I think I might still like him a lil' but I don't think he likes me.

I finally told him how I felt the day we went to the movies and how I felt pressured and everything and I was scared to tell him but I guess he took it well. We once again didn’t talk for a few days until like a few days ago.

I don’t know if he still has feeling or not but I want him to be happy and that what really matters more to me right now and I don’t think dating him again is gonna solve anything and I don’t want to go through this again and lose him as a friend...I really think its best that I get over him but how? I mean I haven’t had a boyfriend for a while, I guess cause I'm not most guys type I don't know..but what should I do PLZZZ HELP ME.!!

Reply:

Perhaps you let him read these lines? If he is mature enough he will understand.
The greatest problem at this age is that guys are thinking on a different wavelength.

They don’t care much about ‘deep’ feelings, for them kiss or sex are not as emotional as for girls.

You need to realise, while going out with you; a kiss should be a sort of ‘normal’ thing. He desires you as any teenager would.

His ‘clock’ is ticking differently. He is more ‘testosterone’ oriented. That means he would like to get into your pants ASAP.
That’s how all (most) boys are. Nothing wrong, it’s nature to be blamed.

However, for you as a partner, it is very important you’ll find the right balance. That is to please him and you.

How you do it? It all depends on your feelings. Many times a person needs to back off and give away in order to make both happy.

I can’t tell you what to do. There are things you can’t postpone with some people. You must sense it and evaluate the risks.

If you keep ignoring him, you will lose him. If you give too much away, you might compromise your personal life.

There is no such a thing as good advice in similar cases. If it would work that way, most relationships would be perfect. It is a risk. If you take it or not that is your own decision.

And there is a saying: No risk – no gain.
You both are playing games. Should be more direct. Sit down and talk honest.